Prologue to my story...
Nov. 29th, 2000 03:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tokimiI've actually been writing in the last couple of days which makes me rather happy. I was wondering about the prologue for my latest masterpiece so I decided to post it up here and see what everyone says. If you read it, I'd really appreciate some comments but try to leave off with the "it's good" stuff. It's not constructive... Just lemme know what you like. ::winks::
here we go:
I was only eight years old when my dearest friend Damien died. Only eight years old when I heard the explosion and saw the oily, grey smoke billowing from a hole in the brick wall of the alchemists' laboratory. I remember the scene vividly and I recall the horrendous nightmares that plagued me in the years that followed. I can still see the townspeople flocking to the sight, water buckets in hand, fearing the worse was yet to come from the magician's lair. I still hear the children screaming and crying, the men's thick coughs as they tried to brave the smoke to rescue those inside. Damien and his father, Sebastian died that day the laboratory exploded. And I, I lost a piece of my soul when they were swallowed up by the dancing flames.
It was then, at eight years old that I began my courtship of Death.
That was it. ^-^ It's actually kinda weird because normally, I never write in first person, but it seems, the things I've been starting and leaving off after a page have been in first person. I do have a bit more if anyone's interested in reading it. :)
As for school... I have an essay to write on symbolism in The Scarlet Letter but that'll be a snap. 1 1/2 to 2 pages is easy. Especially double spaced.... ^^
The NHS induction was rather boring and I spent half the time writing, half the time sleeping.. or rather, most of the time sleeping... ::sighs:: Oh well... I don't understand why they have the induction twice. First time was last night for the parents, today was for the students. Like anyone in my school cares about all the people abducted into the snob society. Sorry... My older sister called it that and that's all I can think of when I hear it. ;P My older sister was in NHS so she has a lil right or 2 to call it that.
Anyway -
here we go:
I was only eight years old when my dearest friend Damien died. Only eight years old when I heard the explosion and saw the oily, grey smoke billowing from a hole in the brick wall of the alchemists' laboratory. I remember the scene vividly and I recall the horrendous nightmares that plagued me in the years that followed. I can still see the townspeople flocking to the sight, water buckets in hand, fearing the worse was yet to come from the magician's lair. I still hear the children screaming and crying, the men's thick coughs as they tried to brave the smoke to rescue those inside. Damien and his father, Sebastian died that day the laboratory exploded. And I, I lost a piece of my soul when they were swallowed up by the dancing flames.
It was then, at eight years old that I began my courtship of Death.
That was it. ^-^ It's actually kinda weird because normally, I never write in first person, but it seems, the things I've been starting and leaving off after a page have been in first person. I do have a bit more if anyone's interested in reading it. :)
As for school... I have an essay to write on symbolism in The Scarlet Letter but that'll be a snap. 1 1/2 to 2 pages is easy. Especially double spaced.... ^^
The NHS induction was rather boring and I spent half the time writing, half the time sleeping.. or rather, most of the time sleeping... ::sighs:: Oh well... I don't understand why they have the induction twice. First time was last night for the parents, today was for the students. Like anyone in my school cares about all the people abducted into the snob society. Sorry... My older sister called it that and that's all I can think of when I hear it. ;P My older sister was in NHS so she has a lil right or 2 to call it that.
Anyway -
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no subject
Date: 2000-11-29 02:34 pm (UTC)it's intriguing. i like the way you use your adjectives...not too many but enough to give a clear picture of what is going on and what your main character is feeling. a nice bit of good, tight prose. i hope the rest is good too...because with a line like "the courtship of death" it's easy to cross over from "cool" to "corny". *cheers for toki* keep writing!
Interesting
So it is written, so it shall come to pass.
Quothe the Raven, "Nevermore."
Re: Interesting
Date: 2000-11-29 10:19 pm (UTC)Re: Interesting
Date: 2000-11-30 05:34 am (UTC)and yes, I agree with Yurei ^_- Very "Seksay", indeed.